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We were in a wedding of a very good friend last weekend. This friend has had to face more losses than anyone else I know. He lost his father at age 17, his friend tragically shortly there after and this year while planning his wedding one of his brothers died suddenly. He decided a long time ago that God isn’t helping him. And I can understand. When it came to his wedding he wanted nothing to do with God. He wanted no mention of God. And there was no mention of God. But God was there. Their wedding was held in a beautiful park, with blooming flowers and many loved ones who were there to share this moment. God showed he was present when he broke the storm clouds and stopped the rain in time for the ceremony and held it off until after their guests returned safely to their vehicles. There were even two bald eagles that flew overhead. Sometimes, even if we don’t think he cares or that He isn’t there He is. He was there for them, for their wedding and brought them the wedding they always wanted.
I once read a post from another couple going through infertility. The wife mentioned that her wedding was not the happiest day of her life. And at the time, I thought I could see that. But with each passing day I love my husband more. I can’t imagine life without his love and support. And there are days that I’m sure it’s a challenge for him to remain the strong one.
While I’ve said before I refuse to hand the keys to my body over to the doctors I realize we cannot do it alone. And doctors aren’t enough. Our family’s aren’t enough. Our love isn’t enough. We need something greater than us. Our father who is in heaven, the lord God. When we were going through wedding counseling we talked a lot about the triangle. Me, my husband and God. The closer we become with God the stronger our marriage is for it. We’ve done a lot of praying, and shed more tears than any newlywed couple should ever have to but I have never felt so encompassed in love.
I can’t help but think that by the love and support of God we, my husband and I have been able to grow stronger in our love, learn to see the positive in infertility and help others.
My husband and I believe that we cannot do this alone. We go into IVF knowing that IVF is God’s work. It is like the clearing of a storm so that a dream may be realized. Whether or not we want help God is there for us, we just have to let him in and sometimes let him take the wheel.
Today IUI #4 = Not Pregnant.
My husband and I talked about it last night and we’re probably going to put buying a house on hold for a little while. Two more IUI’s and then we’re moving onto IVF. Having a family is most important to us at this time and we need to realize to do that we’re going to likely have to do IVF. We have two more IUI’s covered by insurance but at this rate it is very unlikely we’ll become pregnant through IUI and maybe a little irresponsible to continue putting my body through it if it’s not going to work.
The joys of a medicated cycle. Practically everything, every twinge, feeling, cramp can either mean my period is starting soon or I’m pregnant. If there is one lesson I’ve learned loud and clear is that there is no standard. When we started down this journey I thought I knew every possible pregnancy symptom. Boy was I wrong. Everything can be construed as something or nothing. A person could drive themselves insane analyzing every last feeling (symptom). The problem is we are searching for them, hoping for them, wanting them. Hope is what we all cling to and anything that can give us hope will.
I’ve decided I feel nothing, except for my very sore butt thanks to the PIO shots. No twinges, no cramps, no exhaustion. I do not even test early. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that even if I did test early and it were positive I’d say it was the trigger shot, and if it were negative I’d pull out the statistics telling me why I shouldn’t test any earlier than 14 days past the IUI.
A great site for finding symptoms in everything is The Two Week Wait.
So, until Saturday I’m neither pregnant nor not pregnant.
In November of last year my husband and I decided that we weren’t going to just take this laying down. We refused to accept that Western Medicine is the only way. I have to believe that Eastern Medicine has it right too. In Eastern medicine the whole body or in our case the whole couple is treated, and not just in regards to infertility. Our acupuncturist/herbalist believes that everything is inter-connected. The body must be in balance.
Unless we find out we are pregnant in a week from Saturday, then to date the Eastern & Western Medicine have not “cured” us. However, what has happened thanks to acupuncture is my stress level has dropped, I sleep better, and my PMS symptoms are gone. My husband however, has seen some major improvements in his total number of motile sperm counts and is in much better health generally. He has been taking herbs.
Acupuncture is expensive. It can be 65-100 or more per visit and then there’s the cost of herbs. Many people begin questioning whether or not it is worth the expense. And there have been days that I wonder if we shouldn’t give up on it. But then we’d be relying solely on Western Medicine and their shots, IUI & IVF. I can be a little bit of a control freak and I don’t think I could handle believing I wasn’t being active in our treatments. I can’t just hand over the keys to my body and say have at it.
According to researchers at the Weill Cornell Medical Center in New York acupuncture has been found to help:
• Regulate hormones and ovulation
• Improve ovarian function – more follicles and better quality eggs
• Increase blood flow to the uterus – improve chances of implantation
• Regulate menstrual cycle
• Reduce stress, anxiety and promote relaxation
News Story on Acupuncture & Infertility
For now we’ll continue. And hopefully it won’t be much longer.
How does one do that? Many people dealing with infertility will tell you that they feel as if their life is on hold. Whether or not you take that vacation, attend an event, or travel you are always thinking where am I at in my cycle and what will that mean for us.
We’re going to the lake this weekend with my husband’s family, a three day event. And all the while we wonder if we can pull it off. We ask ourselves will we have the privacy we need for the shots? Will OHSS creep in (I overstimmed again this cycle)? Will people ask questions about why we aren’t drinking? It’s hard to “act” pregnant without really being pregnant and then have to explain it to others.
This thing, infertility, impacts all of our decisions. We held off buying tickets to Spain until we “knew” we wouldn’t be too far along, as we kept hoping each cycle would be it. We are looking to buy a home but are having to factor in what if IUI doesn’t work and we have to pay the 25K for IVF. And the list goes on.
I suspect someday we’ll look back at this and realize that we were fortunate to experience infertility. And while that sounds crazy I hope that we can educate people, and use our political activisim to make a difference or at the very least I know there have been two women that I have personally helped by making sure they knew they had options. If we never experienced infertility I might have had the attitude, yeah that’s sad, but then not really look into what this means for couples and how widespread it is.
I do not wish infertility on anyone but I do hope that anyone facing doesn’t get stuck and lose hope.
And I’m probably going to cry.
My doctor likes to call this the “Two Week Party Pack”:
It’s not exactly a party when you get something like this poked into your butt every night for at least two weeks, and maybe more if we’re pregnant. These glorious shots go right into your muscle.
Anyone who tells you it’s not that bad, it doesn’t hurt, they are LYING. It hurts, maybe not the first night or even the second for that matter but one week into it you’re lucky to find a spot to poke that isn’t already lumpy and bruised.
Tonight the party begins.
To see a video on how PIO shots are given, click here:
IUI #4 was completed today. It went better than it has in the past. The doctor was actually able to get into my uterus this time and although the sperm count went down we have plenty of eggs this round. Our test date is 7/19/08 which is the same day my friend Dave is getting married. After the IUI I went in for acupuncture.
I’m pretty sore this time and we got the talk again from the doctor about OHSS. My E2 level got to 3700. Each mature egg produces between 200-600pg/ml. And at my last ultrasound I had about 6 follicles per ovary that was measuring over 17mm (anything over 15mm is mature for an injectable cycle). While we don’t know how many actually had eggs in them, and how many made it until today we’ve got the potential this cycle.
On July 25, 1978, Louise Joy Brown, the world’s first successful “test-tube” baby was born in Great Britain.
Louise Brown is turning 30 years old this July. For over 30 years Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) has made great strides helping couples overcome infertility. When she was conceived ART procedures were invasive, limited, and posed more risks to the mother and unborn child than today.
Many insurance companies consider ART to be experimental medicine and because of that the vast majority of couples who are infertile have little to no insurance coverage. This has forced many couples to undergo procedures for which they have coverage but are not necessarily the best treatment option for them.
We are one of those couples whose insurance company is dictating our care. While IVF has been recommended for us, our insurance does not cover it. Our insurance will cover a certain number of IUI (intra-uterine insemination) procedures. Once we have exhausted all of the services covered by our insurance they will have spent more on IUI’s than one round of IVF.
Only 15 states currently have insurance mandates of coverage for infertility. When decisions are made by doctors based on medical necessity there are fewer high order multiple pregnancies, fewer premature babies born and less risks posed to the mother. If you would like to help couples and their doctors make appropriate decisions based on medical necessity rather than financial considerations please contact your senator.
https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=132
According to the Mayo Clinic 10-15% of couples are infertile.
We are 1 in 7. We are a statistic. We are just like that friend, co-worker, family member, or neighbor whom you’ve always wondered why they never had children. We are not unique and we are all facing some of the most difficult decisions we never wanted to make. We are infertile.
Being infertile is not a curse, it’s not a punishment, and it most certainly isn’t anything to be ashamed of. It has become an opportunity for us. A chance to make a difference, to learn and to grow closer together. If we must take this journey it will not be in vain and we will work to help others facing infertility.
